I’m a broken record.

It should come as no surprise that I am unhappy with my way of life. I am constantly making plans, wanting changes, starting things and then going right back into my old ways. I am sick of it. . but then I think: “then why dont you just change it? It’s all in your hands, and what are you doing with it? ” I am just wanting so many things and I do nothing about it, and I honestly do not understand it. I dont understand why I choose to do the things I do, or why I allow myself to fail in things that I know are going to effect me. So, I dont want to make any promises that I am going to change because I have done that, multiple times. All that I know is that I am wanting the change, and I am wanting daily happiness.

I am filled with fear.

I am fearful of how everything is going to turn out. I am scared that the efforts of my love will never be enough to find the solutions I need. I am worried that people will never know how much I appreciate them due to my bad habits. I am always worried that something will happen and I wont be able to get to you (you know who you are) . I worry that I will disappoint the people I love, because I know I already have. I am scared of failure. I am scared of losing you.

I am longing for the brightness of a new day.

 I am hopeful and longing for a positive outcome. There are so many things going on and so much stress that isnt needed. I am crazy in love with the greatest guy in the world, therefor I should wake up with a feeling of bliss when I am kissed by the morning sun. I am just constantly hoping that something will work in our favor. My whole life revolves around this hope and I am longing for a daily life, together and not worlds apart. I am also hopeful with school, self image, and feelings. I am hoping to soon develop into the person I want to be. I want to just be happy that I have all of the people in my life that I love, and feel enlightened by the simple aspects of each day and wear a smile on my face. I want to feel confident and healthy. I want to feel productive and successful in the activities of my day. I want to feel like I know something good is going to happen.

I am inspired.

  I am ready to begin painting again.  I am having withdrawals from the creative process . I am itching to be able to put my stress out on the canvas. I am also inspired to do things outside more. I want to start biking regularly , and hiking, and just enjoying the nature that surrounds us! 

I am overwhelmed with love .

I have never felt a love like this. Every part of my being is filled with love for you. I want to take care of you and build a home together . We can be a family of our own. You are my best friend and my one and only love. I am aching to start a future with you and begin our forever-process. This is the truest form of love, and I will not give up. I have a hard time explaining these feelings with words. . All I can do is tell you I feel an ultimate strength in our love, and I am ready to experience every part of life by your side. You are my forever.