Autumnwalker88's Blog

home is whenever im with you

Jenna — Sat, 07 Aug 2010 09:14:19 +0000

I’m a broken record.

It should come as no surprise that I am unhappy with my way of life. I am constantly making plans, wanting changes, starting things and then going right back into my old ways. I am sick of it. . but then I think: “then why dont you just change it? It’s all in your hands, and what are you doing with it? ” I am just wanting so many things and I do nothing about it, and I honestly do not understand it. I dont understand why I choose to do the things I do, or why I allow myself to fail in things that I know are going to effect me. So, I dont want to make any promises that I am going to change because I have done that, multiple times. All that I know is that I am wanting the change, and I am wanting daily happiness.

I am filled with fear.

I am fearful of how everything is going to turn out. I am scared that the efforts of my love will never be enough to find the solutions I need. I am worried that people will never know how much I appreciate them due to my bad habits. I am always worried that something will happen and I wont be able to get to you (you know who you are) . I worry that I will disappoint the people I love, because I know I already have. I am scared of failure. I am scared of losing you.

I am longing for the brightness of a new day.

I am hopeful and longing for a positive outcome. There are so many things going on and so much stress that isnt needed. I am crazy in love with the greatest guy in the world, therefor I should wake up with a feeling of bliss when I am kissed by the morning sun. I am just constantly hoping that something will work in our favor. My whole life revolves around this hope and I am longing for a daily life, together and not worlds apart. I am also hopeful with school, self image, and feelings. I am hoping to soon develop into the person I want to be. I want to just be happy that I have all of the people in my life that I love, and feel enlightened by the simple aspects of each day and wear a smile on my face. I want to feel confident and healthy. I want to feel productive and successful in the activities of my day. I want to feel like I know something good is going to happen.

I am inspired.

I am ready to begin painting again. I am having withdrawals from the creative process . I am itching to be able to put my stress out on the canvas. I am also inspired to do things outside more. I want to start biking regularly , and hiking, and just enjoying the nature that surrounds us!

I am overwhelmed with love .

I have never felt a love like this. Every part of my being is filled with love for you. I want to take care of you and build a home together . We can be a family of our own. You are my best friend and my one and only love. I am aching to start a future with you and begin our forever-process. This is the truest form of love, and I will not give up. I have a hard time explaining these feelings with words. . All I can do is tell you I feel an ultimate strength in our love, and I am ready to experience every part of life by your side. You are my forever.

The Process

Jenna — Tue, 02 Mar 2010 22:55:57 +0000

It is the beginning of March and things are at a pretty steady pace. I am still enjoying my classes for the most part, although some of the content can begin to get a little boring.
Educational Psychology has been at somewhat of a stand-still. The thirteen page paper I turned in today was difficult to write because it was all so repetitive and a lot of the content was not really interesting. I enjoyed some of the articles I read though, and how they relate to the theories of Piaget and Vygotsky’s stages of cognitive learning. Also, the effect of the environment on students learning processes are more intense than one would imagine.
I completed my first graded painting assignment! We had to paint a still life with three to four analogous colors (the colors next to each other on the colorwheel). I chose Blue-green, green, yellow-green, and yellow. My still life included a wine glass, snow globe, and drum. I received a one-hundred as my final grade on it! That is so exciting to me. Painting is a weak spot in my abilities, so to receive a good grade on my first acrylic painting is very motivating. I will add a photo of it. I took the pictures on my webcam, so they arent exactly the best quality, nor do they capture the entire piece. It is 18″x24″ in size. Our next painting assignment is a landscape. This painting, for me, will be on a 24″x30″ canvas. I have chosen to do a painting of a photo I took when Piet and I went driving around looking at windmills! I hope it turns out like I am imagining. This will be my first landscape everrrr so I will probably be somewhat nervous and cautious with my application of paint.

I am meeting with someone involved with Troy-University tomorrow to receive information regarding studying abroad. I am hoping to get my questions answered and be informed of possibilities that are available. I hope this can be an option, because there seem to be no job opportunities that can bring Piet here, so maybe I can go to him. I am keeping my fingers crossed! There just are not many studying abroad options that include art majors. Most of the ones I have observed were government, broadcasting, or music. The art programs I saw were not offered in English. So, I am hoping that talking to someone that is more informed in the area would benefit the situation.
Spring break starts next week. I don’t know if I am staying in Troy, or going home. I hope I am able to go home. I miss my family! It would also be nice to see some old friends from home. I also am ready for a break from Troy. There is never a quiet moment in my apartment if one of my roomates is here. It is always nice to go home and know what is feels like to have silence. hehe I never thought I would say that. I guess I am getting old. I just want some peace!

Growing up- to do or not to do?

Jenna — Sat, 06 Feb 2010 06:39:13 +0000

This semester is still going well, and I am making much progress in my study habits! As strange as it may sound, I can feel myself maturing and growing up in a good way. I am working hard, and making sure I get my work done. I am also trying to make decisions of priorities and things I need to accomplish this semester. i am struggling with getting back on a structured diet and work out plan. I feel like that was the category in which I put forth the most effort last semester, and this semester I have allowed it to fall back on the list. I am trying to put that back into my daily routine as soon as possible! There are so many different diets and work out plans out there and I wonder “do those really work?” , I really want results, and I know that I am need of nutrition and diet guidance. i am also really putting effort forth to get a job because I am worried about affording my ticket to visit Piet in Belgium this summer, and that is a high priority. It is very important that I get to see him for the summer! Travel costs are expensive! so let’s hope that I get one of the jobs I applied for soon!
Another way I can tell that I am growing up is how I feel! I love the feeling of a sense of accomplishment when I finish an assignment, or prepare myself for classes ahead of time. That isnt something I have felt in a few years! and I am achieving these goals all on my own, and that feels good. (although, I know if I ever needed help my loving boyfriend will gladly help me! <3 ) I am also having the feeling of striving for more! I want more for myself than I ever have.. I want to accomplish my academic goals and get into the education program. I am ready to start a life with Piet, on our own, our own place and a happy life together! (and eventually a happily ever after) hehe.I want to achieve my weight goals and maintain a healthy lifestyle. I am also wanting to get and stay organized ! I love the feeling of finally doing things I know that I need to do, yet always wanting more. I feel good about myself when I do these things. I also feel good when i think about the future with Piet because then I know everything will be complete!

I hope that I am able to really carry out everything I am aiming for but still keep my silly and fun side as well. I dont want to turn into a serious person that has no room for fun ! I am just feeling good about everything so far, but knowing I need to work on some areas as well! So let’s consider it a challenge!

take two.

Jenna — Sat, 30 Jan 2010 01:43:14 +0000

opportunity [op-er-too-ni-tee]- a situation or condition favorable for attainment of a goal

Opportunity is the word to start todays post. Opportunities are both what I am receiving and lacking in my life. I am receiving opportunities in school, and in life as far as personal happiness goes, and being in love. I feel like my life lacks opportunities as far as Piet and myself being able to be together. I am hoping for something to arise that will allow us to start our life together.
This semester has started off well, and successful. I have a somewhat busy course load but I am staying organized and optimistic about it all. I am currently taking Color and Technology, 2d studio III- Painting, Educational Psychology, and The Professional Educator. Each of these courses require steady day-to-day work. The Professional Educator will actually require observing classrooms, and volunteer work with students. I am excited to be taking classes to start toward my degree program. I am working to be entered into the board of education. I must take two standardized tests this semester as well for this goal. I am looking forward to a successful semester.
Piet visited January 2nd-23rd. It was the best way to start the year. We had a great time. We went on a cruise to the bahamas with my family, and although the weather was not ideal we had a great time I think! Two day after our return, we took a road trip to Chicago. The trip played out like a movie ! The city was awesome. It was cold but not too windy. It was really amazing, just the two of us walking around the city, hand-in-hand, seeing new places and things and just enjoying every minute of it! I think we are more in love every minute that passes by. It’s definitely going to be a beautiful thing once we are able to be together daily! I am hoping to be able to visit him this summer, so it is time to get a job!
I am planning to blog regularly this semester, I need it!

Jelly bones.

Jenna — Fri, 28 Aug 2009 01:56:33 +0000

Okay, I have decided that the titles of my blogs will no longer be of relevance to the post. It will just be something that makes me smile, a title of a song i like, or maybe just a word that when I hear it I get an image in my head of what it looks like! Like Jelly bones. . its a funny thing to imagine someone with jelly bones! floppy legs just wiggling while they walk!

School is two weeks in now or so, and I am working on balancing the work. Having two art classes that are very different and very time consuming is becoming a challenge! I have drawings due one day and a cardboard designed cube due the next ! heh. I am working on it!

I am still working out four to six times a week! … and still no results. Its nice to feel like I am doing something productive for my health though, so I will keep doing it. Let’s hope the results just come with time. I really wish I could have some gym equipment but outside. I am enjoying working out, but I dont like being confined in this lifeless building. Let’s add some scenery! and some fresh air ! We all need to sweat, so give us some southern summer air! That would be nice.

I saw a cat lady at Walmart today. . . if you aren’t sure what a cat lady is, it is a woman who lives alone but has LOTS of cats! I am assuming she was a cat lady, she had few groceries that only seemed fit for one person, but three bags of like twenty pound cat food. I haven’t decided if this is sad, or a beautiful thing. I find it somewhat sad because she is alone. . and loneliness is a terrible feeling, there is not other feeling like emptiness. . or is it beautiful because she has found happiness and company in the form of thirty three cats. Maybe the cats are her family. If the cat lady is happy, then I am satisfied with her being as well.

September 2, 2009 is approaching. This is the day that Piet and I have been together for nine months! exciting isnt it? We have a lot of things working against us, but we are making it and loving each other more and more through it ! It has been a month since we have been apart this time, and just four and a half more to go before we see each other again! I can’t wait. We are going to the Bahamas on a cruise with my family as a Christmas gift from my parents. It should be a lot of fun. I really think we will enjoy it all.

It has been rainy here lately. The storms make me want to crawl into my warm bed with a movie like “You’ve got mail ” or something. . I love that movie for some odd reason. It makes me feel comfortable and makes me think of Autumn, which is my favorite season! One of these days, I will finish my tasks and watch it in my pajamas.

     I would also like to start putting a quote of sorts to end with from things i have read in between posts, or maybe songs,for everyones entertainment.
” When something can be made to seem illicit
    They’re off at once to spread the joyous news.
   Adding to fact what fantasies they choose.
    By talking up their neighbor’s indiscretions
    They seek to camouflage their own transgressions
      Hoping thats others’ innocent affairs
   Will lend a hue of innocence to theirs,
    Or that their own black guilt will come to seem
    Part of a general shady color-scheme.”
         -Dorine from the play ‘ ‘Tartuffe’
                “

The Beginning

Jenna — Mon, 10 Aug 2009 18:08:10 +0000

The new school year begins on Wednesday, August 12th. I have high expectations of myself this year! My schedule is as follows: Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays- World Literature After 1660 and Conceptual Drawing. Tuesdays and Thursdays- Micro Economics and Time and Space.

   Sadly, I am only taking twelve hours but I am aiming for better grades and good hours. I believe each of the classes I have chosen are busy, work-filled classes. So, let’s see how this semester goes!
         This is the year for changes. This is a whole new beginning for me as a person. I am striving to change in almost every area of my life right now. I want to grow intellectually and make the marks I know I am capable of. I also want to stop making excuses, and stop using useless diets and lose weight the smart and healthy way. I have been wanting to lose weight since I was thirteen years old and now seven years later I am going to do something about it! I have been working out regularly since I got back from Europe. ( I will write a post about my trip later on) . I am not sure how much I have lost yet, but hopefully something! I can already feel the differences. This change is already having a positive effect.
      I am also trying to grow strong mentally. Piet and I just began our six month periods without each other. I have had a hard time handling it, or getting used to it, but I am trying to be strong! We are doing great, and just as in love as ever!
       I just moved into a new apartment, and still need to move things in. I definitely have too much stuff for my bedroom!

I am sure there are many more posts to be written on the progress of my plans and goals. I will do my best to keep it updated!

Hello world!

Jenna — Thu, 06 Aug 2009 21:05:56 +0000

Welcome to WordPress.com. This is your first post. Edit or delete it and start blogging!